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The End [Mar. 16th, 2009|11:56 pm]
I've been thinking about it for a while, recently, but have decided altogether that I am going to stop updating this livejournal account and pick up in a different one instead. I've updated a bit over a hundred entries, most private, but the reason really for doing so is that this one chronicles a great deal of the last nine months of my life and some of which I would care not to be reminded of ever again. I remember when I started writing in this and I loved the username and felt that it matched well with who I felt like I was at the time, and the things that I was feeling, and the direction in which I hoped to be taking myself. I am just tired of coming through here and seeing what I do. I will soon come back here and make all of the things that I have written private, but in the mean time I am continuing to regularly update public/etc entries in a new livejournal. I am in the process of adding all of my friends back as soon as I get in there and change shit around. bye ♥
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(no subject) [Mar. 15th, 2009|11:02 am]
I had a great weekend. I went to yoga on Saturday like I have been blowing off for wks and I felt awesome. Afterwards I went to hang out with Roxanne and Kory and Danielle at Kory's apartment which is awesome as well and is right in the heart of downtown. We went to Revolution aND it was my first time at a gay bar. I loved it. The bitches were hot. This one super fucking sexy dancer took a dollar bill from my tits and bit down sooo hard, it was fucking awesome and I literally have her teeth marks and a bruise on my breast today haha. Another one danced with me & also motorboat-ed me and let me motorboat her. Awesome. I can see why people love that shit, especially Roxanne, she was so into it and being the awesome girlfriend that I am I encouraged it, including putting a dollar in Roxanne's mouth for the dancer to take with hers lol :) It was a really good night. The beginning was kind-of a blur. I ran into an old teacher of mine which was actually very funny. We saw a drag show and that was neat. I feel like fucking shit today, however.. I lost my voice and am hacking like crazy from chest congestion and when I say anything at all I sound completely fucking ridiculous. I miss Rox a lot and I wish I could have spent more time with her this weekend, but I think that this was good. Right now I'm so tired. I am about to get down on some breakfast and then go back to sleeeeeeeppppppp

I hope that things work out in my favor this coming week.
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;) [Mar. 11th, 2009|08:24 am]
and tell your boyfriend, that if he says he's got beef
that I'm a vegetarian and I ain't fuckin scared of him
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that's not my name. [Mar. 2nd, 2009|12:19 pm]
I had a really great weekend, which surprised me because I was having a lot of anxiety on Friday but I ended up having a lot of fun. I don't want to go really in-depth but Friday was pretty quiet, I watched Roxanne and her sister/sister's boyfriend and a few of her friends play drinking games, I played a little but wasn't in the mood to drink so quit after a little while. Saturday we went over to one of Roxanne's friends house, this girl just moved back from being out of state and we went to hang out with her and see her place. We got some cheap ass wine which I really liked and I ended up getting pretty drunk really, really quickly. It was one of those drunk's where I wasn't aware of how much I had drank or anything so I couldn't gauge like how I was doing or where I was until I was def drunk and there was no denying it. I met one of Roxanne's old friends, Beki, and her girlfriend. She also lived elsewhere for a while and just moved back this week as well, I like both of them a lot and we ended up hanging out with them and Danielle and her boyfriend the next day. Hung out at Danielle's for a while, and then went out to Longwood and had this bonfire going on which was really cute because we started roasting weenies and everybody was kinda tipsy/stoned. Afterwards we went to Beki's sisters house and played a few drinking games, hung out, Roxanne totally embarrassed the hell out of me at one point during a game of Circle of Death but she is too cute and funny when she's drunk. We stayed there, left pretty early.. we went back to her house this morning and I snuggled up with her for a few hours before I left. I didn't want to really leave, I miss her pretty face already. Today is technically our 7 month anniversary, if you count by days, since ours is the 30th and as everybody knows there's only 28 days in February. She drives me fucking insane sometimes but I am so in love with her and thankful that I have her, she is a great girl and I am very lucky to be able to call her all mine. :)

I don't know what I am doing today, I think I'm going to do a bit of job hunting. I am feeling good physically, which is awesome, I hate being sick!!!!!! It's March! I can't wait for summer, I want long beautiful days and hot nights and beach days and being able to run around in dresses all the time.
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(no subject) [Feb. 24th, 2009|01:16 pm]
I feel like such shit. I've been feeling gross for the last four or five days, and it totally fucking sucks. In addition to having these weird migrane headaches I also had this 24-hr bug thing that I am assuming I caught from Roxanne and it was terrible, I have never felt so sick in my life. I was violently sick and could not eat, could not even hold down water, I was in the bathroom a few times an hour all day. I recovered from that pretty ok yesterday, I am still sick but I am not throwing up anymore and I am able to eat again. However, I woke up today to my period and the most god awful cramps. My period always sneaks up on me, it's like I totally even forget about having it or that it exists until I actually think about it then it's like I've jynxed myself and it comes. I knew it had to be coming or something, Yesterday I was super emotional and like on the verge of tears multiple times for like no fucking reason and then last night I was in tears for like two hours over things I shouldn't really have been crying about. I didn't know what the fuck was with me..generally, it takes an awful lot to make me cry these days. I just feel like shit.

Last night I watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and I thought it was really adorable. It wasn't some like, intricate Academy Award-winning plot or anything, it was just very cute and light-hearted. I don't really have any plans for today, other than trying to find a way to tear my uterus out. Ugh. Roxanne and I had this long talk yesterday about me & my trust issues and I don't really feel right. I can't help it, though. I am a very forgiving person, but it's difficult for me to forget about anything and I feel like that is holding me back a lot in our relationship. I also feel like I don't specify with her what exactly my "trust issues" are regarding, because it's not all concerning fidelity. I don't know. I just need to clear my head, and I need to find the right words to express to her just what it is that I am really thinking and feeling. I don't know why sometimes it is so hard for me to just talk about things.

I think that I am going to treat myself to a nice bubble bath and get over my obsessive thinking.
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hehe [Feb. 18th, 2009|07:24 pm]
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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(no subject) [Feb. 18th, 2009|01:21 am]
[Current Music |Fall Out Boy - America's Suitehearts]

I love this song!

I've discovered "Tomatotorrent" for Macs and I LOVE IT HELLO it's made my list of perfect's

I miss my girlfriend sooooo mucccchhh jesus c, we had an amazing weekend together and my Valentine's weekend was perfect in every way that I dreamed of & even more

I am pretty sick and I don't know how, or why, except I am basically the last person to wake up and realize that they are. What I thought was just allergies is getting worse and producing flu-like symptoms and I feel fucking awful. My body aches and I cannot breathe. My stomach hurts like hell and I am burning the fuck up. I didn't realize that either til I went into the bathroom and saw myself in the mirror and I was super flushed like I had been running for an hour. I am pink and hot and feel cold in some areas of my body and it's just fucking weird, I want to be with Roxanne snuggling and kissing and inevitably just making her sick while she tries to make me feel better. She knew I wasn't feeling well last night so she kept giving me medicine and she took good care of me, she's such a sweetheart. She is forever taking care of me. She drives me so crazy sometimes but I am so lucky to have her cute little ass. I love waking up to her face and I don't sleep right when I don't hear her next to me at night. I love her sleepy noises. <3

I am going to make a detailed list tomorrow of things that I would like to complete this week, and because I am sick I am going to push myself harder to complete every single thing. I am always making lists and little goals for the day/week but this one I am going to make very detailed and I am going to try and be a little more goal-oriented. I never plan for the future anymore whereas I used to constantly just think of it, so I feel like I need to work harder for a happy medium. I hope I feel better in the morning because Alex is coming to spend some time with me and I am worried about giving her my germs and her going home to the baby, especially since he just got out of the hospital and is still recovering from his pneumonia. I hate this ughhh. How is it Wednesday? I need to get my ass functioning and make up for the week. I always feel like this when I stay an extra day or two at Roxanne's. She's always begging me to, but whenever I do I always get this shitty feeling that I should be doing so much more with my time which I should be. I need to hardcore kick up the job hunt, I've been doing what I can but I guess I need to start thinking outside of the box because I really need money, and if applying any and everywhere is not working then I guess I need to find a way to work around the shitty economy and figure out a plan for $$$. It is hard to find a job right now but in some other areas right now is totally ideal, such as looking for an apartment or house. A lot of apartments I have been looking at are so fucking mad cheap and there are tons of move-in specials and things like that going on, I can't even explain the difference between now and just the last four months when it comes to house hunting. It's fucking crazy. If I had the money, now would so be the most opportune time. Ughhhh. :( I am going to get some sleep and dream about my husband <3 peaceeeee
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(no subject) [Feb. 17th, 2009|05:37 pm]
Last night/early this morning I had the greatest, sexiest sex of my life! DIE

I am basically in love with my sex life
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(no subject) [Feb. 15th, 2009|11:05 pm]
[Current Mood |lovedloved]

Things I love about Valentine's Day..

Sidewalk chalk, perfect weather, good conversation
Afternoon Valentine's Day quickies <3
Tons of cute pictures and everybody dressed nicely
Wonderful dinner at a nice restaurant
Yummy desserts
Terrific post-game sex
Tonz of snuggles and kisses all throughout the day

Mine was perfect
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(no subject) [Feb. 13th, 2009|04:45 pm]
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and it's the only time I've ever actually been really excited to celebrate with somebody. Roxanne and I are going on a double date to this restaurant that I fucking love and last night I baked up a storm! I am really happy on the V-day, and can't wait to just spend time with her this week. Right now I'm waiting on Katie, we're all going to do something later on but what I'm not yet sure.

I'm so sleepy, I haven't been sleeping right for a few weeks and this coming week that is what I really need to work on. A healthy sleeping schedule. I'd been great for a while but got screwed up a few weeks ago and haven't been right since. Some things are really crawling under my skin and I can't stand it. I keep a lot of shit bottled up and I am tired of constantly have to grin and bear it, I'm fucking sick of just dealing by not dealing, I have never really been one to repress like this and I'm over it. I don't have to. I think I realized why I've NEEDED to do some of the things that I have the last month or two, but now I have come to a different conclusion and I know what I need. I am okay, and I know everything is going to be okay, but I am unhappy about some things and instead of just masking it as I have been I am just going to make the change completely. If I work hard enough for it, then really, there is nothing that could hold me back.

I'm waiting on Katie and watching the O.C. I used to love this show but quit watching re-runs a year or so ago, and have started to again. One of my favorite shows ever. :) Happy Valentine's Day, and I hope everybody gets all kinds of cute lovin' and super steamy sex <3
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